The list is obviously not safe for work but perfect for this quiet nights alone. When I think of the Friday the 13th series, three things come to mind: Camp Counselors which only appear in the first, second, and sixth installments , inventive kills, and boobs. Many breasts have appeared in the series over the years. While some stay hidden behind a nice cotton top or slinky bikini, others are allowed to come out of hiding to share in the scares. Men, women, and children of all ages know that the infamous hockey masked slasher is synonymous with stiff nippled cups of all shapes and sizes.
Now before I continue let me say that I love all boobs. Boobs are fantastic. From natures true intentions for the breast, up to rapidly google searching the perfect pair whilst in the bathroom to aid in a quick release, boobs are the most wonderful things ever created. I hold no prejudice toward any class of mammaries. I first came up with the idea for this list four years ago, but I found it insanely difficult to accomplish. How can you pass judgement when they are all so great?
Who do I think I am? I swear I am not a misogynist. I am not sexist. I can only choose one pair per flick. Hypothetically if someone was in a pinch, they could gaze upon this list and make an educated guess on where to go in the series to unload some stress. Now, again, I love and respect all breasts in this series, and life in general. And this is very much based on my own personal taste. Get used to it, gentle reader.
Like I said, I hold no prejudice to the boobs. And I never said the boobs had to make a special guest appearance in the flick. Saffron Henderson plays metal-head J. What J. Horns up for J. Number From Freddy vs. Freddy vs.
Jason is one of those flicks that I ate up when it first hit the theaters. I could write a whole essay on why I think Freddy vs. Jason and that is why she lands at number 11 on our list. Kristi Angus sports one of the cooler half sweaters while also managing to find herself on the wrong end of arguable one of the coolest kills in franchise history. Her apperance is brief, but it will stay with you for a long time. Holy run-on-sentence, Mrs. It works. Moving on. At number 9 a franchise and genre wide standard was set by little Marcie Cunningham.
And as the photographic evidence above shows, Jeannine Taylor is a candidate for Best Butt, too. This is why you should always force him to wrap it up, ladies. Deborah and her boyfriend Luke, along with third-wheel Alexis, think it is finally safe to camp at Camp Crystal Lake. After a quick dip in the frigid water, Deborah and Luke decide to take the franchise down a road it had yet to see: borderline hardcore porn.
Among many lessons was that the MPAA would not tolerate heavy thrusting followed by a iron rod to the torso. At nine years old I quickly discovered the difference between making love and fucking. Though pretty and sweet, making love was alright. Fucking, however, would make boobies bounce around frantically.
Bouncing boobs? Is there anything more awesome on a human body? Number 7 is definitely not sponsored by the Medical Association of America. Tracie Savage portrays Debbie, a pot smoking, beer drinking, unprotected sex having, cool chick. Good, me too! So Debbie, her highschool boyfriend, a few other weirdos, and two old as fuck hippies head out to the lake. After some sexy time, Debbie treats us to a glance of her handfuls-of-goodness during a steamy shower.
The first of many showers to be had in the franchise. Remember, wherever the red dot goes, ya bang. Is anyone else dying to know what exactly is going on underneath that cute little cropped sweater? Megan is also in possession of one of the tightest pair of jeans in the history of western civilization, as proven by a fan favorite Tommy Jarvis POV during that epic chase scene. Jennifer Cooke is a treasure to the franchise.
This spot almost went to Friday the 13th Part II star Amy Steel, but I made a one pair per film rule, and at the end of the day I am a sucker for a short brunette with big naturals. For proof just look to Producer Danielle.
Sandra and Jeff are a mischievous pair of camp counselors. Fortunately for us, Sam and her friends decide it best to strip and dip at the lake the next day. Still not convinced? Moments after losing her boyfriend to one half of the double mint twins, Sam takes a stroll to the lake to cool off. She doubles our pleasure when she strips down to nothing and swims out to a raft, moments before Jason gives her the ultimate Oh Shit face. Elizabeth Kaitan skyrocketed to success in genre picture after genre picture.
Robin follows in the footsteps of the original films Marcie when she meets her demise post coitus as she searches for her boyfriend while barefoot and wearing a shirt. I always felt her death was a tad weak sauce, as I have never been a fan of when Jason simple throws a beautiful girl from a window. But, if memory serves correctly, Robin had a much better death designed, but the filmmakers had to scrap it when they ran low on time.
Julianna Guill comes in at number 2 on our list and for good measure. When it was announced that Friday the 13th was being remade by Platinum Dunes, fans across the world took a collective gasp. The formula is so simple. Now add in the adorable Julianna Guill as nympho Bree and you have a closet fan favorite. I love this film. Derek Mears owns as Jason. Trent even utters the line that everyone is thinking when he tells Bree that her tits are stupendous.
He later goes on to compliment her nipple placement. Her nipple placement! Friday the 13th gets a wicked bad rap. Get it? Because both die in eye related deaths. I digress. Debisue Voorhees will forever be remembered as the best of the best when it comes to slasher flick nudes. Her boobs are simply the best. Four years of taunting the audience, I finally pulled the trigger. Hopefully you readers know that this is meant in fun.
No disrespect was intended toward any of the actresses left off of, or appearing on the list. Nudity is only one of many reasons to check out the Friday the 13th flicks. Friday the 13th, to me, has always meant a fun time with friends, or even alone. An escape from the day-to-day horrors of the real world to watch an indestructible killer stalk and murder groups of characters that we the audience see ourselves in.
Skin countdown. The sex and nudity play a key role in the history and success of these films. Boobs, like the inventive kill scenarios and gallons of blood, should be celebrated. Hooray for titties, folks.