Are you? Being unconscious, Tarzan doesn't answer, and Jane continues to muse about whether or not Tarzan is, well, as intact as she is. She watches some cute little chimps frolicking nearby. Poor Tarzan, once king of the jungle, has been reduced to the status of mere sex object in this latest screen adaptation of the Edgar Rice Burroughs adventure-classic, ''Tarzan, the Ape Man. In that ''getting to know you'' scene described above, Tarzan doesn't answer, but not only because he's unconscious, worn out really, having just saved Jane from the coils of a large, tubular, gaudily painted rubberlike object that in this movie represents a python.
Throughout the film, Tarzan never says a word even when he's awake. He does occasionally yell - off-screen - his famous West African yodel, but mostly he just looks beautiful.
As Jane says on one occasion, he's more beautiful than most of the girls she knows back in England, and she may be right, though he's probably more deeply tanned. O'Keeffe may be an actor, but in this, his film debut, he behaves like a model for an idealized sculpture that might adorn a Soviet palace of culture.
Jane, of course, is equally beautiful, but unfortunately she never stops talking. She also squeals a lot, as when unfriendly natives strip her, the better to paint her remarkable body in preparation for a fate worse than death. It's a home movie directed and photographed by John Derek and produced by his wife, Bo. She is also its star and chief attraction, especially when wet or nude, which she so frequently is. This ''Tarzan'' is the first, all-moving picture calendar.
To describe the film as inept would be to miss the point, which is to present Mrs. Derek in as many different poses, nude and seminude, as there are days of the year, all in something less than two hours. She is a magnificent-looking creature. When she emerges from a sea bath, her Victorian gown clinging to every curve, it's a centerfold vision of creation. When, for reasons that now escape me, she kneels nude on all fours, absolutely nothing sags.
However, as an actress she displays the sort of fausse naivete that is less erotic than perfunctorily calculated, in the manner of an old-fashioned, pre-porn-era stripteaser who might have started her act dressed like Heidi. This isn't ''Tarzan, the Ape Man. As a motion-picture cameraman, Mr. Derek is a great still photographer, favoring scenes shot against backgrounds so brilliantly lighted you can't see what's going on in the foreground.
Sometimes there are scenes -but not ones in which Mrs. Derek appears - in which the camera seems to be pointed in the wrong direction. He also has a fondness for scenes shot in such soft focus that the movie appears to have been printed on a deep-pile rug and for other scenes that are shot out of focus entirely. Most peculiarly, he chooses to show us Tarzan's vine-swinging in stop-motion photography, which has the odd effect of leading us to believe he's about to fall off the vine.
He also uses the same sort of stop-motion photography, with several images superimposed on one another, to record the quite amazingly silly encounter of Jane and Tarzan with the rubber tube that's supposed to be a snake.
The screenplay is credited to Tom Rowe and Gary Goddard, but it appears to have been made up by the Dereks and their crew as they mushed their way through wildest Sri Lanka and Seychelles - which stand in for Africa - taking their random snaps. The animal cast includes one surly, moth-eaten lion, which doesn't stay around long, some very elegant elephants, two nice champanzees and one red-haired orangutan, whose leer is the only lascivious thing in the film.
Among the people in the cast are John Phillip Law, who looks enough like Bo Derek and John Derek to be a brother or a son, as the official photographer of the expedition being led by Jane's father, James Parker, the famous African explorer. This fellow is played by Richard Harris in what must be one of the most offensively noisy, boring performances of this or any other season.
Quite possibly it may not be Mr. Harris's fault. He may simply be crying for help. The time is supposedly , and Mrs. Derek's Jane is presented as a spunky sort of young woman who has flown over the Alps in a balloon and believes in the equality of the sexes.
That is, she talks about equality, but it's obvious that what she really wants is total control, which she apparently gets in her relationship with the nonspeaking Tarzan. Viewed stone-sober, it's a movie of more squirms than screams. Running time: minutes. This film is rated R. Club Members. View on timesmachine. TimesMachine is an exclusive benefit for home delivery and digital subscribers.
To preserve these articles as they originally appeared, The Times does not alter, edit or update them. Occasionally the digitization process introduces transcription errors or other problems; we are continuing to work to improve these archived versions. Bo Derek Parker. Richard Harris Holt. John Phillip Law Tarzan. Miles O'Keeffe Africa. Akushula Selayah Ivory King. Steven Strong Riano. Maxime Philoe Feathers. Leonard Bailey Club Members.