American author Stefhen F. Bryan who wrote the controversial book "Black passenger Yellow Cabs: Of Exile and Excess in Japan," an erotic ethnographic memoir detailing his encounters with about 30 Japanese women.
Japan Times. It was an interesting article. The author made some very valid points. I've seen lots of mixed marriages fail in Japan because foreign guys usually just had no idea what they were getting in to when marrying a Japanse girl. I know some couples who don't even speak each Luther's language competently; that alone puts quite a strain on a relationship. Well certainly not ALL Japanese women are like this but some are- I think you would find that in any country though perhaps Japan has a higher number than average?
I do admit to laughing at foreign guys who marry a young, cute thing without really knowing her and then are shocked when she turns into the "typical Japanese housewife" who demands their money and refuses to work. Lord knows I have worked and do work with a few who have made some complaints.
As a Western woman with a Japanese boyfriend, I would say the lack of conflict-resolution skills goes for Japanese men too. But yeah, the key is to look properly at the person you are getting married to. A successful marriage is already difficult, but cultural differences and languages barriers make it even harder.
Bit of a generalisation, no? Sure, kawaii is real and sure, some Japanese women can be emotionally immature - but the same applies to many Western women - without the added bonus of kawaii!!!!!
As a foreigner UK married to a Japanese lady for 15 years, my exprience is shock at the lack of attention one gets as husband after the children arrive.
I am sure not all experience this but I have heard many tell me similar stories about feeling like a visitor in their home after the children arrive. If I bury my head in the Japan bubble I would agree Japanese wives are not appropriate for Western men. But everytime I visit home I realize I am judging them too harshly. Japanese wives generally cook well, or try to, take care of the children well, and take care of their bodies or at least don't let them go to the extent you see in US.
Many of my US friends are already divorced from US women, with the usual "grow apart", cheating on the husband, etc. Grass is always greener. I'm not sure that writing a book detailing your experience of one-night stands makes you an expert on human relationships.
Sounds like another one of those guys who've come to Japan, running from something at home, thinking he can pick up easy here, and leaving bitter after only being able to score terrible girls.
So, what this author is saying that if you judge your women on looks alone, you may end up marrying an attractive idiot? I am wholly flabbergasted. Simply shocked by the thoroughly thought-provoking conclusion that, surely, no one else has ever come up with before.
And that applies regardless of where you are or where you come from, or where the other person comes from. I don't think difficult is the right word; making a marriage successful involves a lot of hard work on both sides. I imagine being in an unsuccessful marriage would be much, much more difficult. Whether cultural differences and language barriers make things harder depends on the individual couple and their circumstances. Chez cleo the language barrier has never been a barrier as such, more a ruck in the carpet that one or other may trip over now and again I think the ruck has gone now, the carpet is flat and a bit threadbare.
Depending on your mindset, cultural differences can add spice to a relationship; if there's a cultural difference you don't understand or can't get your head around, you work together to find a way to accommodate it if it's important to the other person, because you love them and want them to be happy - and that works both ways, of course.
Being obviously 'different' has worked great with the in-laws; I'm sure I get a lot more leeway from my mil than any homogeneous Japanese dil would have. I hate it when someone groups a whole load of different people together on account of one shared attribute 'women', 'Japanese', 'English teachers', 'liberals', whatever' and then refer to them as 'these people', as if that one attribute said everything there was to say about them. That's what Bryan seems to be doing here, totally ignoring the fact that 'Western men' do not marry 'Japanese women'; one individual marries another individual, and it's up to the individuals concerned to get to know and understand the other person before they commit for life.
If any man, Western or otherwise, marries a woman solely on the grounds that she's 'kawaii' 'exotic' or whatever, then I would say he 's the child, not her though if she had any sense she'd see through his cultural chauvinism, too. Caveat emptor, on both sides. Marriage is about what you can give to your relationship rather than what you want to take from it. This book was written yonks ago,so it must be a paid ad to get people to buy. I mean who cares about a foreigner's female exploits in Japan?
Anyone can get in Japan,even the fugly guys hook up with cute girls or with girls. And the generalizations mentioned are weak and could apply to any culture. Nothing controversial,just bored and lonely rantings of a self published book. Mod, you allow the nasty comments about foreign women to be left on here and then remove comments that point out the obvious about some of the western men who are in Japan. Come on now! That said those who prefer blondes don't get pilloried.
What's wrong with a little 'yellow fever'? Western gals are quick to blame the men for not dating a 'real woman' - which tells you what they think of the Japanese. Is it racism dressed up as sisterly concern? I envision American author Stefhen F.
Bryan as being some kind of a twit. He had "encounters" with about 30 Japanese women and came up with enough for a story demonizing them. Surely he met the wrong group. As Zichi says above: "Marriage is about what you can give to your relationship rather than what you want to take from it. Would rather be with a beautiful immature woman who lacks some skill than a beastly, ugly, over weight, pink skinned western woman with a bad attitude who doesnt care about appearance any day. We could turn that around too to be that alot of japanese woman are happy to have a Trophy Gaijin for a husband.
I actually think the writer of this article is a farily superficial person to have run through 30 odd japanese woman only to come out and make this statement, surely he was not being honest with himself or the woman, perhaps he didnt take the time to get to know the girls or was only interested in getting another conquest and it sounds to me he was running round roppongi screwing what ever he could find. Some japanese woman are fantastically mature and have excellent social skills including dealing with conflict and other facets of life, I often found them to be a fair bit more well adjusted than western woman , i guess it depends on where you are meeting the woman and the types you are meeting.
You mean like you just did with the 'western woman' who isn't as well adjusted as her Japanese sister? Oh dear. Called out for generalizing, denies it and then suggests that this isn't what the author is doing.
Insert broad generalizations about western men in Japan. Good lord. I like your comment, Zichi. I often wonder InControl my exprience is shock at the lack of attention one gets as husband after the children arrive. After 14 years and 3 kids myself, I could've written the above word for word.
Additonally, after trying to address our dying relationship I have experienced the added shock of being told by JWife, angrily, "There is no more husband-wife. This coming from a woman who has traveled extensively around the globe, speaks 3 languages, was not the quiet-mousey-Jgirl-who-serves-man-his-meal-and-waits-for-him-to-start-to-eat I dated those girls too.
Lately I have been hearing in my head an old drinking buddy's rude or so I thought at the time , scowling response to me upon announcing my engagement to JWife those many years ago, "This is isn't the country you get engaged in! This is the country you play in! If a woman has the nerve to tell her husband that kind of disgraceful nonsense then, IMHO, he has the absolute right to go out and satisfy his needs wherever he can do so.
Forget "western morals" or whatever else might be holding you back and go out and get those beautiful Japanese ladies. The funny thing is, after you realise what a wonderful time can be had in Japan even after your married, well, you might just be thanking your wife for presenting this opportunity StormR: Would rather be with a beautiful immature woman who lacks some skill than a beastly, ugly, over weight, pink skinned western woman with a bad attitude who doesnt care about appearance any day.
Had one of those not interested in another one so i"ll take my chances with Japanese woman. Funny, in my experience, the guys saying stuff like that are usually not exactly fit and fine themselves. It's nice though that they have enough self-confidence to look in the mirror and see what's not there.
Someone has to, right? Japan along with other Asians countries, provide an avenue to make you feel like you still got game. But you know this. Many Western men has a sterotype impage of Japanese women that is traditional, take care of husband, cook dinner, and clean house.
Lots of guys hope for that, but todays young women are much different. The Japanese women are picky and have high expectations and to them, marriage must be a two-sided contract. He must put family first and cater to her in-laws and, hand over control of the bank accounts to her.
After marriage, you will experience most Japanese women have bossy attittude with no B. The Japanese women's innocent exterior will eventually give way to real-life experience of emotional, controlling and fiery temperament. But grounding relationships in reality can get past expectations and truly get to know each other as individuals.
My advise is get to know a women real well and define the boundaries that you both can agree on. And the foreign guys bash the Japanese males that do exactly this. There is a reason why the sex industry is huge here.
I don't get it. Foreign men often want a woman who will cook, clean, look after them and make them feel manly. And when the wives demand they get out of the house while she does such things, you all complain. Frankly, any foreign guy who thinks "My Japanese girlfriend won't become one of those women" really needs to be ready for the shock and surprise when it does happen. I know some lovely couples but they are the exception, not the rule.
Who says everyone wants the perfect life long partner? I'm forty, divorced over ten years now and committed to lifelong bachelorhood.