My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 16 months. We're just noticing that during sex, he gets soft halfway. I'm wondering if there's a way I can help him stay hard longer? He's not into blow jobs but loves my boobs.
First off, his limp noodle is not your fault or your responsibility. His johnson is his business. Since plenty of guys fall down on the job, don't shame him or exacerbate his stress by putting extra pressure on him. Just offer up a few simple, potentially uplifting suggestions. First, if this is an ongoing, difficult issue, recommend that he visit the doctor: Stress, sleep, medication side effects, diet, and health conditions can all affect performance, and it never hurts to check in with your physician.
Once you've eliminated the possibility of medical issues, there are simple, practical fixes for the guy who wants to stay hard: Buy him a silicone cock ring which will restrict his circulation and keep him hard or suggest that he talk to his doctor about the pros and cons of erectile dysfunction drugs.
There's no shame in either solution. Listen to him when he tells you what turns him on and what doesn't, just as he should be listening to you. Remember that there are other ways for him to make you feel good. Even when he can't keep it up, you can still get down. My boyfriend just told me that our sex is bad and we just started having sex. I have never been told that sex is bad — my past partners have always seemed to enjoy it. When he told me that, it really hurt me and my ego a little bit.
I wish he would have said it a little better because now it has me questioning whether or not I should continue with this relationship. What should I do???? Of course your feelings were hurt. It sounds like he's trying to blame you for his dissatisfaction with no concern for how you feel. To that point, being concerned about how your partner feels is an essential part of good sex, so I'm not terribly surprised that the sex with him hasn't been spectacular — just as I'm not surprised that you're questioning your relationship.
It sounds like your boyfriend acted like a jerk. Sex is often crazy awkward in the early days of any relationship. It almost always takes time to figure a person out. The thing that makes it better is communication, and this guy's conversation skills apparently suck. He's acting like the little kid who whines, " I'm so bored…" without suggesting anything he'd rather be doing. If you do want to make it work, you should really stand your ground and be honest.
Tell him that his blunt comment hurt, that you wish that he'd taken your feelings seriously, and that you wish he'd take responsibility for half of what goes on in bed. Explain to him that if his goal was to hurt you, his approach worked. But if his goal is to improve your sex life, he screwed up — and he should use his words to specifically explain what he thinks would make it better.
If he takes you and your feelings seriously, you can go from there. If he blows you off, you should seriously consider ending this. How soon is it OK to move in with my boyfriend? We've been dating for five months now but it feels like we've known each other our whole lives. Currently, I am renting with my cousin, and he lives at home. However, I do not want to renew my lease at the end of June and stay living with my cousin.
We've discussed moving in together and what kind of a place we would both want. Initially I was a little apprehensive, but the more I thought about it, the more excited I got. And my boyfriend is very understanding — he says we don't have to do anything if I'm not completely sure of it. We spend most of our time together right now, and for the past two weeks, he's been practically living at my place because it's closer to where he's working right now.
I guess my question is, how do you know when you're ready to take that step and move in together? These timeline questions are always tricky to answer.
Whether it's deciding when to have sex, get engaged, break it off, or move in together, there's never one right number. Moving in after five months might be perfect for one person and not for another. Some people swear they need a full year or two. Others prefer to rush in and deal with whatever consequences as they come. I've got friends who made the exact right decision by moving in fast, and others who probably did ruin a good thing by rushing.
But maybe they would have broken up anyway. Who knows. Every person is different, every relationship is different, and there's no one-size-fits-all number for anyone, whether that applies to your number of sexual partners, or the number of months you wait before moving in.
Frankly, it's a gut call. It's a risk. And that gut feeling comes down to how much you trust this guy: Do you trust him enough to share a roof and a bed? Do you trust him enough to tie your finances together on a lease? Or is your gut telling you to wait a while longer? Remember that you can often extend your lease, sign a month-to-month extension, or find a half-year sublet. Give yourself more than two options. Big-picture advice: Don't move in with your boyfriend just because your lease is up and it's convenient.
It's a lot harder to move out than it is to move in. To him? Can you talk frankly about money, responsibility, chores, grocery bills, and meals? How will he feel when you go out with your friends? How will you feel when he forgets to call? I'm not saying you have to solve every problem and figure out who will pay the electric bill now.
But I do think that it's sometimes easier to visualize your options if you get specific. Talking with your boyfriend about some of the little domestic issues in advance also might help you see if you're on the same page — or not. It's heartening that your boyfriend isn't pressuring you, that he's "understanding" and flexible if this isn't the right time for you. Believe him when he says that he's patient. I don't think anyone ever broke up because they moved in too late. Do you have a question for Logan about sex or relationships? Ask him here.
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